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A Yuletide Yakking
My family was somewhat poor growing up. We didn't live in abject poverty, but the idea of getting SEVEN kids (That's right 7, count 'em) all a Nintendo Gameboy didn't exactly fit into the checkbook balance. To be honest aside from my little brother, all my other siblings were well into their teens and twenties and didn't need to be showered like children. There was this program in town at a place called The RITTER House, which was a community services type deal for low income people. They had a tree there with cards on it, and every year around Christmas you could put a card on the tree listing what you wanted for Christmas with the idea being that a generous stranger could take your card off the tree and buy you a gift from your list!! Sounds awesome right?
Some of the best presents are usually the unexpected ones. These usually come from distant relatives. One in particular I still have and cherish to this day. It was a large framed poster...of course to a 9 year old this equates to getting a pair of wool slacks 2 sizes too small. However we hung it on my wall and before bed every night I would just look at it and get lost in its awesome majesty. It's a 1930's painting by an artist named Jaro Hess titled, "Adventure in Story Land" and it's a huge painting of all the major fairy tales taking place in one setting.
There were also presents I was very adamant about getting and begged continually for that once I got just plain sucked. One in particular was Toy Biz' 1993 Voice activated robot! It looked Suh-Weet in the commercials. It transformed from a vehicle to a battle ready robot and fired missiles, all at the command of your voice. I remember when we got it my brother and I put it on the floor and told it some commands, the machine didn't recognize the commands most of the time and it only traveled in forward and reverse which made terrorizing our cat exceedingly difficult.
Best enjoyed with New Coke and some Bugles
Another thing I looked forward to around the Holidays was family. It was always fun as a kid seeing my distant cousins and aunts n' uncles blah blah blah... What I really looked forward to was seeing the more interesting vkimo clansmen. There were only a handful and no one kept in touch with them or really knew just how they were related to anyone else. Two in particular came to mind. Christmas as my great grandmother's house was one of them. You could count on seeing Auntie Hazel who sported the same moo moo dress since the 70s, and little June with her pet rabbit who bit everyone. Then there was a mountain of a man who everyone called "Big John" and this dude was enormous. He must have weighed 400 pounds easy and wore a pair of overalls he must have got second hand from Paul Bunyan. I remember my mom saying he lived in a shack and didn't own a telephone. He just sat there and ate, and ate, and ate. Another interesting relative I encountered at my Uncle's place. He was around 40 and autistic, name was Dallas. We had to drive him home after Christmas dinner every year because he couldn't drive. I remember he was always picking at his teeth and a little fidgety. My dad would always mess (All in good fun...I think) with him on the drive, saying things like, "Hey Dallas, I need to rest come take the wheel" or "Pass me a beer out of the glove box would ya?" It was kind of amusing. The most incredible thing though was that Dallas had an encyclopedic knowledge of 80s music. He could tell you the producer, album year, title and anything you wanted to know. Sadly it's been years since I've seen Dallas or Big John but the memories are always there to make me smile.
TV programming around the holidays is always a treat. Just like decorations, they seem to be stashed away in the attic til December. As a kid I always enjoyed watching the holiday themed TV shows. Married with Children, Fresh Prince, and Home Improvement were must see events. Movies like Groundhogs Day, A Christmas Story and Planes, Trains and Automobiles always set the proper ambiance. Or popping in a old VHS of the us opening presents from X Mas past was a option.
echidna64 Posted on Dec 30, 2013 at 08:22 PM
Thanks vkimo for this stocking full of treats! Each year you set the new standard for article writing!
SegaFanatic Posted on Dec 19, 2013 at 02:51 AM
Great work with all of the photoshopped images, writing, everything. It's so good.
SegaFanatic Posted on Dec 19, 2013 at 02:48 AM
I already lost the contest. Man, you are amazing at writing articles. Great work.
Ruespieler Posted on Dec 16, 2013 at 06:56 PM
I haven't had the time to write the article I boasted about in that PM. I'm glad I didn't, this would have been tough to beat. "T.U." #6
vkimo Posted on Dec 13, 2013 at 05:27 PM
Glad you guys are enjoying this!
Fulton4V Posted on Dec 13, 2013 at 03:07 PM
I loved FAO Schwartz growing up, it was such an awesome store and I have alot of memories from there. I grew up outside a city and would have my parents take me into the city sometimes to see the lights and stuff. It was fun
Benjanime Posted on Dec 12, 2013 at 02:56 PM
vkimo, why are all of your articles masterpieces?
Vaporman87 Posted on Dec 12, 2013 at 02:52 PM
WOW! This is a really well done article, and it's obvious you spent a great deal of time putting it together. So thank you for that vkimo.
One thing I picked up on right away is that, although our Christmas experiences were so different growing up, the spirit of it and the magic feeling of the season can be felt regardless.
Having grown up and lived my entire life in an ultra small community, I can't relate to the splendor and awe of a place like San Fran during Christmas. Even so, I recognize that feeling from my own memories. It's something that transcends your environment and circumstances.
I laughed at the insertion of Rain Man and the generic fat guy as stand ins for your relatives. LOL. Hilarious.
Thanks for this vkimo. A great read!
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